Login-Logout

Helping IT Workers Release Their Chocolate Hostage

Constipation - Twelve Tips on How to Avoid It and One Reason Why You Should

Category: Tips — Monday, September 18, 2006

Constipation - the bane of the IT workers (and everyone else who earns a wage sitting down).

Fighting this enemy within is what Login-Logout.com is all about.

Here we list twelve tips on how to avoid constipation and one reason why you should…

Definition of Constipation:

Constipation is defined as a condition in which bowel movements happen less frequently than normal, or stool is small, hard and difficult or painful to pass.

Tips to Avoid Constipation:

  • Fiber (the Log Prayer begins and ends in fiber)
  • Hydration (drink plenty of water or fiber will make things much worse)
  • Daily Exercise (promotes healthy bowel movements)
  • Pickles (to the kind readers with concerned looks on their faces: you eat them)
  • Prunes (to avoid association with laxative effect, renamed and remarketed as “dried plums” by producers)
  • Fresh Fruit (provides nutrients, fiber and fluids)
  • Eat Vegetables Raw (cooking breaks down fiber)
  • Drink Black Coffee (stimulates the intestine but don’t drink too much) (Updated: Coffee and Constipation)
  • Smoke Cigarettes (nicotine stimulates intestines… no, we’re just kidding - please don’t smoke)*
  • Avoid Alcohol and Sweet Foods (paralyzes the intestines, alcohol dehydrates you)
  • Avoid Coffee and other Caffeinated Drinks (dehydrates you - see Coffee and Constipation)
  • Avoid Refined White Flour (choose whole grain and fiber-rich food)
  • Visit Bookstores/Libraries (natural laxative with positive side-effect of making you smarter)
  • Visit Login-Logout.com Often (shameless plug)

*While it is true that nicotine stimulates intestines (and nicotine withdrawal while trying to quit smoking may cause constipation), using cigarettes to cure constipation is like using radioactive waste to kill body lice. As the late Yul Brynner said, “Don’t smoke.” (Link goes to highly recommended but extremely sad public service announcement video.)

One Reason to Avoid Constipation:

Hemorrhoids

Enough said.

If you have experienced hemorrhoids first hand, you need no further explanation.

If you haven’t, well… be thankful. Each hemorrhoid-free deposit at the Porcelain Bank is truly a blessing. Time and tide wait for no man so it is only a matter of time before the horrors of aging are upon you. Do what you can today to minimize the impact tomorrow.

Please read Hemorrhoids - Fourteen Tips on How to Avoid Them if you would rather not experience hemorrhoids first hand.

Of course, you should never go to an online source for medical advice. If you suffer severe or frequent constipation, there may be other medical causes (that are too scary to even think about let alone write down here). See your doctor (sooner rather than later).